• By Topher Goggin

    Illustrated by Rick Cunningham

  • Listen to the Show!

    Latest Episode - April 25, 2023: The Grand Finale has arrived! NYMG heads for the showers, but not before checking out The Price Is Right, Three Blind Mice, Old King Cole and our biggest Rapunzel's Jukebox song ever, American Pie!

  • Ohana Wins Tournament of Disney Dining!

    The Tournament of Disney Dining officially has a champ: Ohana! After trailing to Le Cellier early during the appetizers, Ohana roared back during the main course to hold on for the title with 56% of the final vote. In our Bonus Vote, few will be surprised to hear that Dole Whip won the crown as Top Park Snack, crushing Mickey Bars with nearly 70% of the final tally.


    Results of the final rounds are below. To check out early round voting, check out the full brackets here! * Parks * Resorts * Disney Springs * Quick Service


    "Plate Eight" Results:


    Parks: #2 Le Cellier (56%) def. #1 Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater (44%)

    Quick Service: #5 Flame Tree Barbecue (55%) def. #2 Pecos Bill's (45%)

    Resorts: #1 Ohana (68%) def. #7 Whispering Canyon Cafe (32%)

    Disney Springs: #1 The Boathouse (55%) def. #2 Chef Art Smith's Homecomin' (45%)


    "Feastly Four" Semifinals Results:

    #2 (Parks) Le Cellier (59%) def #5 (Quick Service) Flame Tree Barbecue (41%)

    #1 (Resorts) Ohana (71%) vs. #1 (Disney Springs) The Boathouse (29%)



    #1 (Resorts) Ohana (56%) def. #2 (Parks) Le Cellier (44%)


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  • Not Your Mother's Goose Store

    All your favorite "Goose Crap" in one place!

  • Tournament of Disney Sidekicks - CHAMP!

    We've got a winner! After over 3,000 votes, the Tournament of Disney Villains has crowned its champ ... Genie! With a 73%-27% win over Olaf in the finals, Genie had completed his steamrolling of the field to claim the crown. Check out the final bracket below!

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  • Not Your Mother's Goose on YouTube!

    Now you can listen to Not Your Mother's Goose bits AND EPISODES on YouTube! SUBSCRIBE NOW!

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    Subscribe to Not Your Mother's Goose!

    Not Your Mother's Goose is now a hilarious podcast! Hosted by Topher Goggin, the NYMG Podcast features the hysterical material from the book, plus BRAND NEW stories, fairy tale "news," fake ads, and "Rapunzel's Jukebox" song parodies you can't miss.


    Subscribe and never miss an episode!


    Podcast Main Page

    Or click here to listen on:

    ° Apple Podcasts

    ° Spotify

    ° Google Podcasts

    ° YouTube


  • Haunted Mansion Wins Tournament of Rides!

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  • The Tournament of Rides presented by World of Walt has a champion! From a field of 40 heavyweights, including the newest rides in the park, Magic Kingdom's Haunted Mansion battled through the fray to win the title of the top ride at all of Walt Disney World.
    Nostalgia reigned supreme in the finals, as the Haunted Mansion thumped Disney's newest masterpiece, Rise of the Resistance. Picking up nearly 59% of the votes, the Mansion jumped to an early lead on day one of voting and never looked back, simply giving Kylo Ren an invitation to become its 1000th happy haunt.
    The win completed a magical run through the bracket for Haunted Mansion, which came in seeded 8th in its own park by the committee (guess we missed the boat on that one...). With wins over Buzz Lightyear, the Seven Dwarfs' Mine Train, Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Avatar Flight of Passage, and Rise of the Resistance, the Mansion truly took on contenders of all styles and vintages en route to the championship.
    #8 (MK) Haunted Mansion (59%) def. #1 (HS) Rise of the Resistance (41%)

  • Relive the action - check out the final brackets!

    * Magic Kingdom * Epcot * Hollywood Studios * Animal Kingdom * Championship *

    Thank you to everyone who cast ballots - we received over 6500 votes over the course of the tournament from Disney fans all over the world. Thanks as well to Herb from World of Walt for presenting the tournament and providing updates on his weekly Disney walkabouts. If you are a Disney fan, be sure to get notifications from World of Walt on Facebook for a trip to the parks nearly every Saturday. Stay tuned to Not Your Mother's Goose for more Disney fun!


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    Original Goose: The funny fairy tale book you never knew you needed

    Not Your Mother's Goose is a series of totally irreverent, mega-sarcastic fairy tale recaps for grown-ups, along with hilarious fake news stories and headlines ranging from Old McDonald bombing on Wheel of Fortune after only buying vowels to Pinocchio succumbing to a long battle with Dutch Elm Disease. Add in Rick Cunningham's gut-busting illustrations and you've got a laugh fest you could give as a gift, but that you'll probably just want to keep for yourself. ORDER NOW IN PRINT OR FOR AMAZON KINDLE, INCLUDING KINDLE UNLIMITED

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    Adult Coloring Book!

    Grab your markers and laugh your stress away while you color almost 30 hilarious cartoons drawn by Rick Cunningham, including exclusive material not in the main book!

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    Get the Original Audiobook!

    Want to listen to the original? Get the audiobook edition of Not Your Mother's Goose, read by Earphones and Audie Award-winning narrator Eric Martin (Bad Reception, Hoot Gibson: Vegas Cowboy). Get it now from Audible!

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    Shirts and More

    Get hilarious Not Your Mother's Goose shirts and other great "Goose Crap" merchandise!

  • About Us

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    Topher Goggin

    Author/Podcast Host

    Having passed second grade (on the very first try), Topher Goggin is highly qualified to write a fairy tale book like Not Your Mother's Goose. He now works as a small town lawyer in Central Michigan, and announces football and basketball. More info.

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    Rick Cunningham


    Owner of Cunningham's, Rick Cunningham is an award-winning design/illustration studio specializing in marketing support systems, Rick has been seriously devoting more time to fun projects (like Not Your Mother's Goose).

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    Eric Martin

    Audiobook Narrator

    Eric Martin is the Earphones and Audie Award winning narrator of nearly 200 audiobooks, including Pulitzer Prize winners and #1 NY Times Bestsellers. He has performed works for The New Yorker and The Atlantic by Michael Chabon, Kurt Vonnegut, and David Foster Wallace. Eric is also the co-creator and writer of original audio series like Bad Reception and Hoot Gibson: Vegas Cowboy, and produced and narrated the full-cast production of the NY Times Monthly Bestseller Stinker Lets Loose! He recently directed and co-starred in the narration of Heads Will Roll, alongside the likes of Kate McKinnon, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, and some lady named Meryl Streep. www.ericjasonmartin.com

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    Andrew Mitchell

    Rapunzel's Jukebox Singer

    A college bookstore operator in Boston in "real life," Andrew Mitchell lends us his musical talent when not performing with his funk/soul band, The Othership, and as a new member of the Shittons. Andrew has handled the vocals for most Rapunzel's Jukebox songs, often devising fun arrangements spanning everything from guitar to trombone to kazoo (the third of those being a tribute to his late father, who used to perform as "King Kazoo").


    * Rapunzel's Jukebox

    * Andrew on Facebook

    * The Othership

    * The Othership on Facebook


  • Contact Us

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Privacy Policy
Privacy Policy  

Effective date: September 29, 2019

Tophini, LLC ("us", "we", or "our") operates the
http://www.notyourmothersgoose.com website (hereinafter referred to as the

This page informs you of our policies regarding the collection, use and
disclosure of personal data when you use our Service and the choices you have
associated with that data.

We use your data to provide and improve the Service. By using the Service, you
agree to the collection and use of information in accordance with this policy.
Unless otherwise defined in this Privacy Policy, the terms used in this
Privacy Policy have the same meanings as in our Terms and Conditions,
accessible from http://www.notyourmothersgoose.com


  * Service

    Service is the http://www.notyourmothersgoose.com website operated by
    Tophini, LLC

  * Personal Data

    Personal Data means data about a living individual who can be identified
    from those data (or from those and other information either in our
    possession or likely to come into our possession).

  * Usage Data

    Usage Data is data collected automatically either generated by the use of
    the Service or from the Service infrastructure itself (for example, the
    duration of a page visit).

  * Cookies

    Cookies are small files stored on your device (computer or mobile device).

  * Data Controller

    Data Controller means the natural or legal person who (either alone or
    jointly or in common with other persons) determines the purposes for which
    and the manner in which any personal information are, or are to be,

    For the purpose of this Privacy Policy, we are a Data Controller of your
    Personal Data.

  * Data Processors (or Service Providers)

    Data Processor (or Service Provider) means any natural or legal person who
    processes the data on behalf of the Data Controller.

    We may use the services of various Service Providers in order to process
    your data more effectively.

  * Data Subject (or User)

    Data Subject is any living individual who is using our Service and is the
    subject of Personal Data.

Information Collection and Use  

We collect several different types of information for various purposes to
provide and improve our Service to you.

Types of Data Collected  

Personal Data  

While using our Service, we may ask you to provide us with certain personally
identifiable information that can be used to contact or identify you
("Personal Data"). Personally identifiable information may include, but is not
limited to:

  * Email address
  * First name and last name
  * Phone number
  * Address, State, Province, ZIP/Postal code, City
  * Cookies and Usage Data

We may use your Personal Data to contact you with newsletters, marketing or
promotional materials and other information that may be of interest to you.
You may opt out of receiving any, or all, of these communications from us by
following the unsubscribe link or the instructions provided in any email we

Usage Data  

We may also collect information on how the Service is accessed and used
("Usage Data"). This Usage Data may include information such as your
computer's Internet Protocol address (e.g. IP address), browser type, browser
version, the pages of our Service that you visit, the time and date of your
visit, the time spent on those pages, unique device identifiers and other
diagnostic data.

Tracking & Cookies Data  

We use cookies and similar tracking technologies to track the activity on our
Service and we hold certain information.

Cookies are files with a small amount of data which may include an anonymous
unique identifier. Cookies are sent to your browser from a website and stored
on your device. Other tracking technologies are also used such as beacons,
tags and scripts to collect and track information and to improve and analyse
our Service.

You can instruct your browser to refuse all cookies or to indicate when a
cookie is being sent. However, if you do not accept cookies, you may not be
able to use some portions of our Service.

Examples of Cookies we use:

  * Session Cookies. We use Session Cookies to operate our Service.
  * Preference Cookies. We use Preference Cookies to remember your preferences and various settings.
  * Security Cookies. We use Security Cookies for security purposes.

Use of Data  

Tophini, LLC uses the collected data for various purposes:

  * To provide and maintain our Service
  * To notify you about changes to our Service
  * To allow you to participate in interactive features of our Service when
    you choose to do so
  * To provide customer support
  * To gather analysis or valuable information so that we can improve our
  * To monitor the usage of our Service
  * To detect, prevent and address technical issues
  * To provide you with news, special offers and general information about
    other goods, services and events which we offer that are similar to those
    that you have already purchased or enquired about unless you have opted
    not to receive such information

Legal Basis for Processing Personal Data under the General Data Protection
Regulation (GDPR)  

If you are from the European Economic Area (EEA), Tophini, LLC legal basis for
collecting and using the personal information described in this Privacy Policy
depends on the Personal Data we collect and the specific context in which we
collect it.

Tophini, LLC may process your Personal Data because:

  * We need to perform a contract with you
  * You have given us permission to do so
  * The processing is in our legitimate interests and it is not overridden by
    your rights
  * To comply with the law

Retention of Data  

Tophini, LLC will retain your Personal Data only for as long as is necessary
for the purposes set out in this Privacy Policy. We will retain and use your
Personal Data to the extent necessary to comply with our legal obligations
(for example, if we are required to retain your data to comply with applicable
laws), resolve disputes and enforce our legal agreements and policies.

Tophini, LLC will also retain Usage Data for internal analysis purposes. Usage
Data is generally retained for a shorter period of time, except when this data
is used to strengthen the security or to improve the functionality of our
Service, or we are legally obligated to retain this data for longer periods.

Transfer of Data  

Your information, including Personal Data, may be transferred to - and
maintained on - computers located outside of your state, province, country or
other governmental jurisdiction where the data protection laws may differ from
those of your jurisdiction.

If you are located outside United States and choose to provide information to
us, please note that we transfer the data, including Personal Data, to United
States and process it there.

Your consent to this Privacy Policy followed by your submission of such
information represents your agreement to that transfer.

Tophini, LLC will take all the steps reasonably necessary to ensure that your
data is treated securely and in accordance with this Privacy Policy and no
transfer of your Personal Data will take place to an organisation or a country
unless there are adequate controls in place including the security of your
data and other personal information.

Disclosure of Data  

Disclosure for Law Enforcement  

Under certain circumstances, Tophini, LLC may be required to disclose your
Personal Data if required to do so by law or in response to valid requests by
public authorities (e.g. a court or a government agency).

Legal Requirements  

Tophini, LLC may disclose your Personal Data in the good faith belief that
such action is necessary to:

  * To comply with a legal obligation
  * To protect and defend the rights or property of Tophini, LLC
  * To prevent or investigate possible wrongdoing in connection with the
  * To protect the personal safety of users of the Service or the public
  * To protect against legal liability

Security of Data  

The security of your data is important to us but remember that no method of
transmission over the Internet or method of electronic storage is 100% secure.
While we strive to use commercially acceptable means to protect your Personal
Data, we cannot guarantee its absolute security.

Our Policy on "Do Not Track" Signals under the California Online Protection
Act (CalOPPA)  

We do not support Do Not Track ("DNT"). Do Not Track is a preference you can
set in your web browser to inform websites that you do not want to be tracked.

You can enable or disable Do Not Track by visiting the Preferences or Settings
page of your web browser.

Your Data Protection Rights under the General Data Protection Regulation

If you are a resident of the European Economic Area (EEA), you have certain
data protection rights. Tophini, LLC aims to take reasonable steps to allow
you to correct, amend, delete or limit the use of your Personal Data.

If you wish to be informed about what Personal Data we hold about you and if
you want it to be removed from our systems, please contact us.

In certain circumstances, you have the following data protection rights:

  * The right to access, update or delete the information we have on you.
    Whenever made possible, you can access, update or request deletion of your
    Personal Data directly within your account settings section. If you are
    unable to perform these actions yourself, please contact us to assist you.

  * The right of rectification. You have the right to have your information
    rectified if that information is inaccurate or incomplete.

  * The right to object. You have the right to object to our processing of
    your Personal Data.

  * The right of restriction. You have the right to request that we restrict
    the processing of your personal information.

  * The right to data portability. You have the right to be provided with a
    copy of the information we have on you in a structured, machine-readable
    and commonly used format.

  * The right to withdraw consent. You also have the right to withdraw your
    consent at any time where Tophini, LLC relied on your consent to process
    your personal information.

Please note that we may ask you to verify your identity before responding to
such requests.

You have the right to complain to a Data Protection Authority about our
collection and use of your Personal Data. For more information, please contact
your local data protection authority in the European Economic Area (EEA).

Service Providers  

We may employ third party companies and individuals to facilitate our Service
("Service Providers"), provide the Service on our behalf, perform Service-
related services or assist us in analysing how our Service is used.

These third parties have access to your Personal Data only to perform these
tasks on our behalf and are obligated not to disclose or use it for any other

Behavioral Remarketing  

Tophini, LLC uses remarketing services to advertise on third party websites to
you after you visited our Service. We and our third-party vendors use cookies
to inform, optimise and serve ads based on your past visits to our Service.

  * Google Ads (AdWords)

    Google Ads (AdWords) remarketing service is provided by Google Inc.

    You can opt-out of Google Analytics for Display Advertising and customise
    the Google Display Network ads by visiting the Google Ads Settings page:

    Google also recommends installing the Google Analytics Opt-out Browser
    Add-on -  \- for your web
    browser. Google Analytics Opt-out Browser Add-on provides visitors with
    the ability to prevent their data from being collected and used by Google

    For more information on the privacy practices of Google, please visit the
    Google Privacy & Terms web page:

  * Facebook

    Facebook remarketing service is provided by Facebook Inc.

    You can learn more about interest-based advertising from Facebook by
    visiting this page: 

    To opt-out from Facebook's interest-based ads, follow these instructions
    from Facebook: 

    Facebook adheres to the Self-Regulatory Principles for Online Behavioural
    Advertising established by the Digital Advertising Alliance. You can also
    opt-out from Facebook and other participating companies through the
    Digital Advertising Alliance in the USA
    , the Digital Advertising Alliance of
    Canada in Canada  or the European Interactive
    Digital Advertising Alliance in Europe ,
    or opt-out using your mobile device settings.

    For more information on the privacy practices of Facebook, please visit
    Facebook's Data Policy: 

Links to Other Sites  

Our Service may contain links to other sites that are not operated by us. If
you click a third party link, you will be directed to that third party's site.
We strongly advise you to review the Privacy Policy of every site you visit.

We have no control over and assume no responsibility for the content, privacy
policies or practices of any third party sites or services.

Children's Privacy  

Our Service does not address anyone under the age of 18 ("Children").

We do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from anyone
under the age of 18. If you are a parent or guardian and you are aware that
your Child has provided us with Personal Data, please contact us. If we become
aware that we have collected Personal Data from children without verification
of parental consent, we take steps to remove that information from our

Changes to This Privacy Policy  

We may update our Privacy Policy from time to time. We will notify you of any
changes by posting the new Privacy Policy on this page.

We will let you know via email and/or a prominent notice on our Service, prior
to the change becoming effective and update the "effective date" at the top of
this Privacy Policy.

You are advised to review this Privacy Policy periodically for any changes.
Changes to this Privacy Policy are effective when they are posted on this

Contact Us  

If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us:

  * By mail: PO Box 488, Alma, MI 48801

Terms & Conditions
Terms and Conditions  

Last updated: September 29, 2019

Please read these Terms and Conditions ("Terms", "Terms and Conditions")
carefully before using the http://www.notyourmothersgoose.com website (the
"Service") operated by Tophini, LLC ("us", "we", or "our").

Your access to and use of the Service is conditioned upon your acceptance of
and compliance with these Terms. These Terms apply to all visitors, users and
others who wish to access or use the Service.

By accessing or using the Service you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you
disagree with any part of the terms then you do not have permission to access
the Service.

Intellectual Property  

The Service and its original content, features and functionality are and will
remain the exclusive property of Tophini, LLC and its licensors. The Service
is protected by copyright, trademark, and other laws of both the United States
and foreign countries. Our trademarks and trade dress may not be used in
connection with any product or service without the prior written consent of
Tophini, LLC.

Links To Other Web Sites  

Our Service may contain links to third party web sites or services that are
not owned or controlled by Tophini, LLC

Tophini, LLC has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for the
content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party web sites or
services. We do not warrant the offerings of any of these entities/individuals
or their websites.

You acknowledge and agree that Tophini, LLC shall not be responsible or
liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be
caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such content, goods
or services available on or through any such third party web sites or

We strongly advise you to read the terms and conditions and privacy policies
of any third party web sites or services that you visit.


We may terminate or suspend your access to the Service immediately, without
prior notice or liability, under our sole discretion, for any reason
whatsoever and without limitation, including but not limited to a breach of
the Terms.

All provisions of the Terms which by their nature should survive termination
shall survive termination, including, without limitation, ownership
provisions, warranty disclaimers, indemnity and limitations of liability.


You agree to defend, indemnify and hold harmless Tophini, LLC and its licensee
and licensors, and their employees, contractors, agents, officers and
directors, from and against any and all claims, damages, obligations, losses,
liabilities, costs or debt, and expenses (including but not limited to
attorney's fees), resulting from or arising out of a) your use and access of
the Service, or b) a breach of these Terms.

Limitation Of Liability  

In no event shall Tophini, LLC, nor its directors, employees, partners,
agents, suppliers, or affiliates, be liable for any indirect, incidental,
special, consequential or punitive damages, including without limitation, loss
of profits, data, use, goodwill, or other intangible losses, resulting from
(i) your access to or use of or inability to access or use the Service; (ii)
any conduct or content of any third party on the Service; (iii) any content
obtained from the Service; and (iv) unauthorized access, use or alteration of
your transmissions or content, whether based on warranty, contract, tort
(including negligence) or any other legal theory, whether or not we have been
informed of the possibility of such damage, and even if a remedy set forth
herein is found to have failed of its essential purpose.


Your use of the Service is at your sole risk. The Service is provided on an
"AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" basis. The Service is provided without warranties
of any kind, whether express or implied, including, but not limited to,
implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, non-
infringement or course of performance.

Tophini, LLC its subsidiaries, affiliates, and its licensors do not warrant
that a) the Service will function uninterrupted, secure or available at any
particular time or location; b) any errors or defects will be corrected; c)
the Service is free of viruses or other harmful components; or d) the results
of using the Service will meet your requirements.


Some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion of certain warranties or the
exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages,
so the limitations above may not apply to you.

Governing Law  

These Terms shall be governed and construed in accordance with the laws of
Michigan, United States, without regard to its conflict of law provisions.

Our failure to enforce any right or provision of these Terms will not be
considered a waiver of those rights. If any provision of these Terms is held
to be invalid or unenforceable by a court, the remaining provisions of these
Terms will remain in effect. These Terms constitute the entire agreement
between us regarding our Service, and supersede and replace any prior
agreements we might have had between us regarding the Service.


We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms
at any time. If a revision is material we will provide at least 30 days notice
prior to any new terms taking effect. What constitutes a material change will
be determined at our sole discretion.

By continuing to access or use our Service after any revisions become
effective, you agree to be bound by the revised terms. If you do not agree to
the new terms, you are no longer authorized to use the Service.

Contact Us  

If you have any questions about these Terms, please contact us.